In my soon-to-be-released romantic suspense novella, An Inn Decent Proposal, the hero and heroine have an opportunity to bid on a rundown inn and restore it to its previous glory. Along the rock-strewn way to achieving this goal, they discover they need to make some changes in themselves in order to achieve their happily ever after.

Every New Year is an opportunity to reflect on the last year’s goals and to about think making changes in ourselves. After a frenzied round of holidays beginning in November and culminating in January, exhaustion can take its toll. In addition to the seasonal festivities, many of us are working at taking care of both children and parents–but not ourselves.  Even if your parents are independent and your children are grown, it is easy to fall into patterns of caregiving that are unhealthy.

One of the things that I became painfully aware of last year was that I was so busy taking care of the rest of the world (my job, my family, my pets) that I wasn’t taking care of myself. After a health scare, I was forced to take stock of what was important and to reset my priorities. I realized it was time for a prescription for change. My gift to you on the cusp of 2011 is to share this with you in the hopes that you will begin to take better care of yourselves, too.

SEVEN STEPS TO MAKING HEALTHY CHANGES

Step One: Admit that you have needs, too. We cannot be Wonder Woman all the time. If you crash, you can’t help anyone. Accept the idea that you need to take care of yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will be useless to your dependents. It is not shameful to take care of yourself. You have needs, too.

Step Two: Write down what you need, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Get thee to a doctor. Get your regular checkups. Inform your personal physician if you are a caregiver (yes, kids count!) when you go for medical appointments and inform your doctor of any special stress or issues you are facing.

Step Three: Write down what you will do about getting your needs met. Henriette Klauser says, “When you care enough to write down your goals, stand back.” Writing your goals down makes them tangible and your subconscious continues to work on them, even when you forget about them. Make a contract with yourself to change unhealthy behaviors and to start new healthy ones. When you write your goals down, they are more likely to happen. Set goals and stick to them. Tell your family and friends what you are doing–and ask for their help. “I have a quit date for smoking. I need your help.” Or, “I want to get more exercise. Could you please come over and watch Mom so I can get out for a thirty minute walk?” Remember, if you get sick, you can’t take care of anyone else.

Step Four: ASK FOR HELP. People may think you WANT to do it all. Allow others to help you. If a family member, friend or neighbor volunteers and says, “If there’s anything I can do, let me know,” say, “Yes, I would love it if…” and you fill in the blank. Of course, you should be reasonable in your requests. It is okay to ask for help, too. The worst thing that will happen is someone will say no. More likely, they will say yes. Perhaps you have trouble letting go of control? Delegating not easy for you? Maybe family and friends want to help, but are waiting for you to ask them. ASK!

Step Five: Take action. Do what you say you will do for yourself. Don’t keep putting it off. Set a schedule. “M through F, I will walk for 30 minutes at 9 am.” Do NOT fill up that space with doing something for someone else. Put it on your Google calendar with lots of reminders. Make an appointment for yourself and keep it.

Step Six: Write about how you feel about your actions. Journaling has been found to be an effective tool for stress and reduction. Keep a diary to record and track your emotional status. Sometimes we try to tell ourselves everything is okay, when it really isn’t. Denying your feelings of anger, loss, sadness, or being overwhelmed does not make them go away. When you put something in writing, it forces you to acknowledge your feelings and can motivate you to do something to improve the situation.

Step Seven: Start OVER again with Step One. Over time this will become natural, but right now, it will feel awkward.

Remember: You deserve to take care of yourself. If you crash, you can’t take care of anyone.

DO it for YOU; do it for THEM. Do it for a healthier 2011!